Unanswered questions.

Things will never be same again, no matter how hard I try or whatever I do. There are certain questions, to which there are no answers.
Would we ever get an answer to those mindless killings in Mumbai last year or to the rape and murder of under fives which I read in the news papers almost every day.
A family of 3, father mother and daughter go on a holiday, on the way to the destination are smashed to death on the raod, all dead.
A child who goes to school like any other day, never to return to his parents again. He is kidnapped and brutally killed by the perpetrators. The Mother is still waiting I guess.
Early morning, last year today, when my son was snatched away from me due to a demon called "CHD" and the defeated look on Dr. Raghuvanshi's face when he came out of the ICU with just one phrase, "He is no more, I am sorry! Sorry is such a shallow word anyways. The signs which I get sometimes, that he is around.
The answers are just not there.

Life

When I was a young girl of 16 years, Life was a fairly land - full of varied bright colors. When I was 18 years of age, Life was rocking and happening! When I was 21 years, Life seemed promising, with so much to offer. When I was 24 years of age, it seemed like I would conquer Life.

Now I am 27 years and…………. Life seems so real (good / bad immaterial).

But what is life? I guess no one knows. Its bright and sunny, wild and rocking, dull and a deep pit sometimes. We look forward to each new day, bright sun, moon, trees, flowers, clutch of a finger from a baby, snuggle of a dog, hug from a dear one, smile on a face of child and so much more.

The fear of being in this Life is hand in hand with the charm of being in this life!
Cheers to Life…

Life after Death

Surely there exists an invisible body with consciousness within our visible physical body. When one is dead,i.e.,when the physical body is no longer viable for the soul(the invisible body) to stay in, the soul gets out of the body and according to their status of death, e.g.,suicide, accident, natural death, etc. they are permitted to be around in the world.

There is the physical universe and there is the universe of consciousness. Science and its various divisions deal with them. Is there a commonality of these two universes? Both these universes ultimately is energy. It could be that just as our bodies (when buried) retain an identity until over time decay makes it merge totally with the physical universe (earth), our minds after death retain their identity and over time merge into the universal consciousness.

According to Vedas - soul according to its good or bad deeds takes bodies of animals, birds, insects etc., or bodies of Rishis, Munis, which are the best bodies - after leaving the present body. The soul which is duly attached with its own power of taking birth according to pious deeds and sins, enters other bodies. Though the soul is away from death, being immortal, but after death of bodies, takes new bodies. These ideas of Vedas has very well been mentioned in Bhagwat Geeta as well - the soul never takes birth and is eternal, in fact after death of body too soul is never dead. This process of death and birth of bodies and souls is eternal.

Vedas further states that soul and bodies goes far away to different directions [soul goes to sun etc., {given below} and then takes birth and get another body and five elements of bodies goes to space and are mixed within air, fire etc.. Death is sure i.e., the body will have to be cremated one day. He (God) who makes the body, He destroys the same one day. When the soul leaves the body then the soul wanders in so many places, takes another body according to its previous deeds (karmas).

'Yamdut' means = 'YAM' means God, and 'dut' means storm, cyclone, flood, earthquake, heavy rains, etc. So when a soul is to leave a body then -air enters the body and takes the soul out of it. The soul after leaving the body first day goes to Savita (sun), second day agnihi (fire), third Vaayu (normal air), fourth Aditya, fifth chandrma (moon), sixth ritu (seasons), seventh marutah, eighth brihaspati (tiniest air), ninth mitrah (breathing), tenth varunah (udan air), eleventh indrah (electricity), twelfth Vishvedevah (in all divine qualities). Then, after wandering in sky, gets body according to previous deeds. Once these twelve days are completed, after 13 days the soul takes another body.

Normally soul after getting a body, faces the result of its past lives' deeds and under influence of illusion (duly attracted towards illusion) does sins and again gets birth to face the sins. The soul is immortal and always separate from body. However, only when an aspirant meets with a learned Preacher / Acharya and gets spiritual education, then only the soul gets salvation.

Perspective of Appreciating

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are." Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have!

CHD / DORV :: Spread Awareness

Veer Banerjee - my son, first child, was born on March 31st, 2008 with a Congenital Heart Disease (CHD) - DORV (Double Outlet Right Ventricle) in which both of the great arteries of the heart (the aorta and the pulmonary artery) are connected to the right ventricle instead of separate ventricles, apart from all this he had a VSD ventricular septal defect (VSD), which is a hole in the wall (septum) between the two pumping chambers of the heart, the left and right ventricles along with Pulmonary Stenosis.

With DORV, the VSD actually helps patients because it allows oxygen-rich blood to pass from the left ventricle to the right, where it is pumped into the aorta and to the rest of the body. Circulation of oxygen-rich blood is accomplished with the VSD but only at great stress to the system. In addition, the oxygen levels in the blood are not as high as those found in patients with normal hearts.

It was not diagnosed in my entire term of pregnancy in the USG scans. After his birth the doctors heard some murmurs from his heart for which an ECG was performed which confirmed his DORV.

He was with me for 18 blissful days with no medication - a beautiful, otherwise healthy (he weighed 3.02 k.g when he was born) and happy child. However, from around Day 19th, he started having difficulty in feeding. We conducted another ECG on Day 25 which showed that his VSD was rapidly shrinking. We were told that he had to undergo an immediate open heart surgery where his chances to survive was only 10%, leaving which he would anyways die. On day 26, he was operated for 8 hours and was wheeled in the ICU in a stable condition. However, he started sinking from 2:00 a.m on Day 27. I lost him on April 27th, 2008 early morning at 4:00 a.m. in the hospital.

My each waking moment I just think of the moments I was helpless and as a Mother could not save my baby when he was in pain and just had to watch him die.

His last penetrating / wakeful gaze towards me was around 34 hours before he died. How I wish every day that my Life would take a “U” turn and stop at that moment when he was in my arms in the hospital and looking at me with hopeful eyes and maybe pleading for help.

Experts around in the filed say that this is a very rare disease (no causes known or established) and the chances of my next baby born with this are as high as 10%.

May everyone facing with this have the strength to go on and overcome their grief. I am still fighting and shall continue to do so. Words of advice to all the ladies out there – Please spread and create awareness about CHD / DORV and all pregnant ladies must insist on elaborate fetal heart scans / other abnormality scans so that they are made aware of any defect / disease during the pregnancy itself.

Vocal cords!!!!

A little twisted piece………J Here people, food for thought for today - be truthful to yourself and try and put yourself in any one category (or categories - even better) mentioned below and then sit back and ponder which category you actually should be….!

Some one told me the other day, “When you want someone to stop doing something, don’t say so in so many words, tell someone else or let time go by, the person will eventually understand……hahhaha J

In my 27 years of life, I have come across people from all walks of life, highly qualified also sometimes, who believe in this approach, whilst some are just the opposite.

The first category of people are who are the so called “Diplomatic” / “Polished”, but are quite double faced, and not genuine, I feel, and would typically use the phrases (with the underlying meaning) mentioned below quite frequently in today’s modern world – viz., We appreciate……but…. (We DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU); You need to understand the larger picture (DON’T BE STUCK UP); Touch base with ‘X’…. (Do not take decision independently!!); Apply your mind (You are really dumb); There is a slim window (There is no hope.);

Whilst there is another extreme genre of people (second category) who believe in being outright vocal- whether that means, being rude, dictating one’s terms – Oh! Who cares……?? e.g., Why wont you? Don’t do that ….. You have to do that…... You didn’t even bother to do that, this…..endless! These kinds of people generally are very interfering, nosey and trend to have a great deal of expectation from “Others” and expect to the point of commanding that from others.

This could also include those (third category) who might not be dictating terms on others (since they could not care less about others and don’t expect from the world at large, anyways, generally mind they own business) but are quite vocal when some one invades their territory and personal space..…and therefore are quite frank with others who are trying to dictate them J this sounds like some war!!!

Then there is fourth category of people, who I would say is a healthy mix and balance of first two extremes mentioned above. And most people would tend to think that they are in this healthy “mix” category, but Alas!

They are the ones who I would say are fair, frank to the point of being honest and straight but at the same time - not rude. Even if they reprimand you or tell you to refrain from doing something, it does not leave a bitter after thought in one’s mind.

So which one are you??

Peace

There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there were only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peacefully towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on the nest--in perfect peace.

Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?

"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

"When Life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, Show that you have a million reasons to smile."

Rains that splattering down the balcony in the month of May, when the earth whines and cries to bid goodbye to the tortuous summers. I stand and hear the ripples that are formed in front of me and the gush of wind that envelopes the window panes, the doors and just about everything on road.

I gaze at the street lamp, standing strong and tall, emitting its light on the cloudy sky and the puddles that form on the streets. The children are running on the roads huddling in groups under those huge, giant plastic sheets (Of all shades, sizes, I wonder where do they get these!!)

Some shrieks of laughter, some anguish faces, some hasty steps, all at the same time. A lightning strikes now and then with the wind that devours the dust and mud, its smell. The water trickles inside the room from the corner of the balcony.

My mind races, amidst all with an empty feeling; thoughts flood my mind just as the heavens above opened up, lost and looking for answers.
The dreams and hopes that was once within reach, now seems a million miles away. It is as if the outside shadow of darkness has enveloped around and does not want to fade. The pain lingers at the back of the mind and gets stuck in the lump of throat.
The fear that was kept locked up safely inside, unable to escape the imaginary fence that was built around.

I try to take a giant leap into the dream that I wanted to become a reality. That which had been waiting to explode, everything that was hidden for so long finally tumbled out of the closet and into the open.

It seemed as the distant roar of the thunder outside, although this is what the plain simple vanilla reality is!
Whispers that envelopes the nights, every night, every where, every one is also an inevitable truth. It is as true as the Sun, Moon and the stars.

Life, Humans and Society that one tries to shun and shut out from one’s space, – that sanctity of peace, the circle of superficial happiness, entwines everyone like Whispers in the Night!